Cultivating the Art of Leadership

Many people come to coaching for help in defining and going after what they want. The tricky part is in wanting many things, having some of those things in conflict, and getting stuck without a lot of progress on what we want.

My teacher, Daniel Silberberg, has our group working on being clear about what we want, with the following four questions the core of our reflection and writing assignment for the week:

1. What do you really want?
2. Are you doing your best at what you want?
3. Are you doing it now? (versus putting it off)
4. Are you being yourself?

I've always been able to go after things in life, whether building a business or becoming a coach or designing a physical space. Knowing what I wanted didn't seem so hard when it came to doing something.

Now, what I really want is to cultivate a deeper ground of being, a presence that both I and my clients can always relax into, a clarity that comes from a quiet mind, a creativity that comes from being truly open.

If that's it, then on to the next question. Am I doing my best? I have been traveling a lot and not making my group's sitting on Thursday nights, even when I am in town. On the other hand, I am sitting more regularly and looking forward to a silent retreat the first week of July at the Insight Meditation Center.

My practice is deepening, but am I doing my best? It's a provocative question, one which Daniel frames in terms of excellence a la the martial arts or training to compete in anything (chess, rock-climbing, etc.).

Part of what kept getting in the way of doing my best was how I addressed family health issues over the past two years (my dad first and then my mom). How I kept throwing myself at their health, happiness, and well-being, with lots of pushing and prodding and a burning desire to alter their defeating behaviors and plenty of suffering on my part when they didn't change.

While I grew closer to both of my parents, I grew more distant from myself. Time to undo that distance.

Daniel's questions this week are grounding: What do I want? Am I doing my best? Am I doing it now? Am I being myself? Good questions to reconnect with both our longing (what we want) as well as our commitment (for the sake of what would we do our best and do it now?).

Reflect on them yourself for a week and let me know what you learn.