Wednesday, August 20, 2008
High Stakes Decisions, Gut Instinct & Re-Centering
A good problem to have. Two big career opportunities, one unexpected. That's the conundrum an executive client faced yesterday. The stakes are high, as going in one direction will most likely permanently cut off a whole line of possibilities on the other side. How to decide?
Often when we're indecisive, we're ignoring signals from one of the centers (head, heart, gut). It's common to hear clients lament "not knowing" when facing decisions that have substantial upside and downside.
More impulsive (reactive) personalities struggle with containing the energy that builds rapidly and feels like an imperative to "do something" now.
More contemplative (withdrawn) personalities struggle with feeling enough energy to act with confidence and can risk staying stuck in the wrong situations.
Whatever the style, whenever we feel "of two minds," we're ignoring information from one of the three centers of wisdom.
Yesterday, my client reported being "jump out of my own skin" excited by an unpublished opportunity that had emerged from contacting one of his former employers about being a reference for a position for which he was being heavily recruited. The idea of being wanted and the possibility of working in his former organization, where he has an existing and quite strong network, got his adrenaline going.
We just completed private leadership intensive, focusing on his signature strengths (things he does well most effortlessly), values (what makes him feel good about the way he lives and works), and authenticity (showing what's inside to the outside). We discussed how seductive prestigious offers can be and how, without alignment with what he cares about and what he does most naturally, he can end up restless and not completely fulfilled. We practiced re-centering under stress or pressure to go against his values.
Yesterday, when we reviewed his thinking about the different career opportunities, it was clear that the old status and prestige melody was animating his feelings of excitment. However, his body was extremely tense. When asked to describe the sensations in his body, he mentioned having a headache, tense legs and abdomen, clenched fists and teeth, high and shallow breathing, and a knit brow. Classic fight or flight responses (fight for prestige/flight from one opportunity or another).
We explored what was missing and he concluded that he was still rigged to say "yes" (fight) for the wrong reasons, and that while his thoughts were all positive, his body (gut instinct) was holding the tension, signalling conflict with important values. Thinking, feeling, and instinct were not aligned.
I guided him through a re-centering exercise that involves relaxation through mindfulness, tuning into sensations systematically and allowing deeper, slower breathing to relax the body's fight/flight response. It only took about 5 minutes, but the shift was profound. My client felt more spacious, more able to think strategically and more inclusively, and more prepared for his next conversations.
His comment: "I no longer feel at war with myself over this decision. This was really big. Re-centering is something I need to practice a lot more."
Yes, indeed, the case for practicing -- tuning into the center we each least use yields huge benefits. Meanwhile, I look forward to hearing about his more centered decision.
Often when we're indecisive, we're ignoring signals from one of the centers (head, heart, gut). It's common to hear clients lament "not knowing" when facing decisions that have substantial upside and downside.
More impulsive (reactive) personalities struggle with containing the energy that builds rapidly and feels like an imperative to "do something" now.
More contemplative (withdrawn) personalities struggle with feeling enough energy to act with confidence and can risk staying stuck in the wrong situations.
Whatever the style, whenever we feel "of two minds," we're ignoring information from one of the three centers of wisdom.
Yesterday, my client reported being "jump out of my own skin" excited by an unpublished opportunity that had emerged from contacting one of his former employers about being a reference for a position for which he was being heavily recruited. The idea of being wanted and the possibility of working in his former organization, where he has an existing and quite strong network, got his adrenaline going.
We just completed private leadership intensive, focusing on his signature strengths (things he does well most effortlessly), values (what makes him feel good about the way he lives and works), and authenticity (showing what's inside to the outside). We discussed how seductive prestigious offers can be and how, without alignment with what he cares about and what he does most naturally, he can end up restless and not completely fulfilled. We practiced re-centering under stress or pressure to go against his values.
Yesterday, when we reviewed his thinking about the different career opportunities, it was clear that the old status and prestige melody was animating his feelings of excitment. However, his body was extremely tense. When asked to describe the sensations in his body, he mentioned having a headache, tense legs and abdomen, clenched fists and teeth, high and shallow breathing, and a knit brow. Classic fight or flight responses (fight for prestige/flight from one opportunity or another).
We explored what was missing and he concluded that he was still rigged to say "yes" (fight) for the wrong reasons, and that while his thoughts were all positive, his body (gut instinct) was holding the tension, signalling conflict with important values. Thinking, feeling, and instinct were not aligned.
I guided him through a re-centering exercise that involves relaxation through mindfulness, tuning into sensations systematically and allowing deeper, slower breathing to relax the body's fight/flight response. It only took about 5 minutes, but the shift was profound. My client felt more spacious, more able to think strategically and more inclusively, and more prepared for his next conversations.
His comment: "I no longer feel at war with myself over this decision. This was really big. Re-centering is something I need to practice a lot more."
Yes, indeed, the case for practicing -- tuning into the center we each least use yields huge benefits. Meanwhile, I look forward to hearing about his more centered decision.
# posted by Cindy Marteney @ 10:00 AM 
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